this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
