Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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