I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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