You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
