I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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