I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
