you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
