so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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