i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
