Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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