Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
