I want to walk on stilts...naked
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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