Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
