Just cropdusted the office
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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