I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
