So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
