I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
