New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
