Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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