I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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