I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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