I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i came on her dog
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
