There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
