We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
