K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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