We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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