just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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