at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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