Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
