Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
