Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
