Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
