So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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