i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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