then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
