eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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