I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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