I think I am morally bankrupt
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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