Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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