Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
