I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
COCAINE IS GR8
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
