i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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