I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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