i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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