Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
