I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
