fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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