I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
