Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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