I have demons in me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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