If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
