I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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